Loneliness and Solitude

“In nature we never see anything isolated, but everything in connection with something else which is before it, beside it, under it and over it.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“When from our better selves we have too long been parted by the hurrying world, and droop. Sick of its business, of its pleasures tired, how gracious, how benign is solitude.”

William Wordsworth

We often know what we need, before we think we need it. Let me put that another way. We often know what decision we need to make, way before we decide to take the steps to make it. It’s like our heart (soul/spirit / inner-self ) knows exactly what we need to do instantly, while our outer, overly critical overly thinking self needs to warm up to it.

Sometimes we need space. Sometimes we need connection. Life is a mixture of both.

I have this tendency to check out whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed, anxious or under the weather. All I want to do is crawl away from all the noise and find somewhere quiet to be with myself. Vegging out is a tempting mistress (and I find myself marathoning random shows more than I care to admit) but what I’m really seeking is a silent place to be alone with myself. I’m not checking out of myself, I’m checking out of the world. I’m checking out of the external and checking into the internal.

So, I’ll avoid responding to texts. I’ll be more reluctant to answer email, and more reclusive to going to events or friendly invitations. Even if it’s something I’d normally love doing, I’ll avoid it. Because what I know I really need is space and breathing room to be alone with myself. (Note: better to let your friends know you need some solitude, versus ignore them for days.)

Ask yourself, when was the last time you were alone with yourself? No phone. No tv. No distractions. Just you and you. (And maybe a notebook and pen.)

Whether we know it or not. We all need solitude. Our best ideas come from giving ourselves space. That’s why all great ideas happen when you are driving alone in your car, going on an early walk, or standing in the shower as the sound of water drowns out the outer world.

There are other occasions, usually, when things are tough or sour, where all we want to avoid people (particularly the prying people closest to us), and yet we know (and try to ignore) we need help and the only way we are gonna get that help is to be around people (again, particularly the prying people closest to us). We don’t want to show that we are hurting. We don’t want to show our weakness. And yet we all know that’s exactly what we need to do.

Better to rip the bandage and reveal our wounds early, otherwise, they might fester and become worse. Sharing our weaknesses and scars is a part of what being a human being is about. I think it’s a component of storytelling that’s built into our DNA. Your story connects to my story and vice versa.

You might not always get the reaction you were hoping, but you at least likely won’t get the reaction you are expecting.

The difference between needing space and needing people is subtle. It takes some time (and a lot of patience) to be able to listen to yourself and figure out which you need. I think what we are seeking is similar — a level of clearheadedness or balance — but what drives each comes from different things. Whatever you think you need, it’s usually the opposite. Unless you are extremely in tune with your emotional wellbeing. If you are like the rest of us emotionally unintelligent work’s in progress(es), there are road signs you can watch out for —

Loneliness. Isolation. Feeling like you need to do and take care of everything yourself. These are signs that you need to be around people. Ideally, people that are smarter than you, care about you, and what to help and see you succeed.

Overwhelm. Overstimulated. Grumpy and feeling like everyone in the world is an idiot or out to get you. These are signs that you need to be alone with yourself. Ideally in nature. Or in a quiet place, you won’t be interrupted.

Ignore these signs at your own peril.

STAY BOLD, Keep Pursuing,
— Josh Waggoner | Daily Blog #841

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Chasing Squirrels

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

Buddha

A dog can teach you a lotta about living well. Okay, okay. Maybe not chasing squirrels or barking at everything that moves. But on second thought, maybe there’s a lesson or two there as well.

Dogs wear their emotions I’m on their sleeves. A dog may bark at a mailman (mail…person?) They may immediately stop what they are doing when you hold up a bright yellow tennis ball. And they may become hyper-focused if they hear the meow of a cat or rustle of something nearby. They feel, but they don’t bottle it inside. They react and release. We could yell at them for barking (at nothing), and they might be sad or down because we were stern to them, but only for a moment before they are ready to play. The only person that’s still flustered and angry is us. They forgive instantly. We hold offenses or even resentfulness in for years.

There’s something powerful about the instantaneous release of emotion. Not that being angry or barking out is good for us (it’s not). But letting it go is. Not letting the fear and anxiety and emotion own us. It’s part of who we are, but it doesn’t control us.

A dog can also go its entire life eating, sleeping pooping, playing and walking and be perfectly happy. I can go barely a day before I do something, read, learning something, create something. I guess creativity is my squirrel. I can easily pull myself in a million directions on any given day. I viscerally know how limited my time is today, but I still feel driven to try to learn, do and experience everything.

I think creativity is a fundamental component of what being human is. (And the people — maybe you — who don’t think they are creative just haven’t found a way or safe space to explore their creative side yet.) We are driven to explore, connect and create.

But as humans, we have a good and bad habit of never being satisfied with what we have. Good because it makes us better at what we do. Bad if it takes over and leaves us dissatisfied with what opportunity and joy we do have in front of us (if only we’d stop to see and appreciate it).

Yet a dog is rarely NOT satisfied. Even if they are not getting what they want out of the day, they don’t stay sad for long. They open themselves up to the opportunity of the day. Where everything can be seen from a new smell and perspective. Happiness is there, waiting for us to accept it.

STAY BOLD, Keep Pursuing,
— Josh Waggoner | Daily Blog #835

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