Sense of Control

The worst part about feeling bad from illness or injury is losing your sense of control.

I say sense because we are never really in control, we just live in such a cushy environment that it feels like we are... until tragedy strikes (internal or externally).

That’s one of the big reason why I made the decision to go off coffee last year. I felt my coffee habit was controlling me, instead of me controlling it. The quality was bougie and great (grass fed butter, MCT oil, single-sourced beans), but my one cup in the morning, turned into a BIG cup, turned into 3 cups...

I felt my coffee habit was controlling me, instead of me controlling it.

I️ felt like I️ needed I­t­, I️ even hauled a giant kettle and French press around Thailand during a week Long Island hop trip. 80% of my suitcase was coffee and health stuff.

When me and my sisters went to Bonnaroo, no joke, on the first morning, I️ managed to somehow drive out of the park (discouraged), went to the closest Walmart, bought a car battery, and figured out a way to navigate road block after road block back to our tent, just so I️ could brew coffee in the middle of Tennessee field.

All that to say, I️ was either a genius or completely beholden to my habit.

Control is like a fine oriental rug you place in the middle of a crosswalk. You feel safe and sound on your little rectangle, but if you aren’t aware of what’s going on around you, or where you’ve placed your rug, you’ll find yourself surprising crushed under foot traffic. (I’m not even sure that analogy was a complete thought, let alone made sense.) Even when you’ve created a positive habit — routine control — for yourself, I­t­ doesn’t necessarily mean you should stand on your rug for the rest of your life.

Habits and control should always be tested.

And when you run into health problems, someone swept the rug out from under you and you’re not sure where you are anymore. That’s how it’s been for me anyway. I️’d describe my biggest aliment as ‘fatigue’, but fatigue is such a vague and universal component of health issues, if you were to randomly look up a health problem on PubMed, I’d bet you a $2 dollar bill that I­t­ has fatigue under its symptoms list. The worst part is not knowing. Is I­t­ all in my head, or is something wrong? Is I­t­ my sleep? Allergies? EMF? 

The body feels fatigue when something isn’t working 100%. It’s your bodies way of telling you to slow down. The problem with fatigue is because of the lack of energy, you find yourself in a negative cycle of needing to do more because you not fully charged enough to do what you would normally be doing.

The silver lining that’s helped me is focusing on the things in my life I️ can control. 

I️ can’t control the weather, but I️ can control how I️ think about I­t­. My thoughts can amplify the negativity left untrained or can amplify the happiness and gratitude for what I️ do have through daily practice. 

I️ can’t control what people think of me, but I️ can control how I️ treat others. Every person I️ come into contact with I️ begin with respect and genuine care.

I️ can’t control the bad that happens to me, but I️ can control what I️ do about I­t­. Action is the most powerful tool in your area of control. Action has the power to move mountains through consistency and dedication to the goal.

When in doubt, train your thoughts, train how you treat others, and back your intention with action. Even if all else fails, no one can take these away from you.

Stay BOLD, Keep Pursuing,
— Josh Waggoner